


Out of Mind

by Rasiaa



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasiaa/pseuds/Rasiaa
Summary: But you weren't there, he wants to say.You didn't see him, didn't know him like I do.And here's the thing: he knew Shaw had been happy. He knew it for certain because people kept telling him so, especially rogue champions who had worked with Shaw before.He's fond of you, they'd say,I've never seen him smile so often.Flynn doesn't understand why he left without a word.
Relationships: Flynn Fairwind/Mathias Shaw
Comments: 24
Kudos: 115





	Out of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the story:  
> I play a resto shaman. This was written entirely to Tove Lo's _Out of Mind_. It started playing on my playlist and I tuned into that because of inspiration instead of deadly boss mods in a mythic+, and the tank died.  
> So there it is; a casualty in the name of Fairshaw.

Papers get signed, the war is declared over, and Flynn gets a note left on his kitchen table.

_I'm sorry. Thank you.  
M. Shaw_

...

And for three months, that's all it is. Dead silence from the Alliance, and suddenly the hustle and bustle from Tradewinds Market that he used to complain about is all he wants. They all set sail and took the _Wind's Redemption_ from the docks and now there's a gaping hole where it used to be.

It's quieter. He never realized just how quiet Boralus used to be until all that's left are the people that have always been here. Of course, the crime rates have dropped and the markets run better than they used to--there's still a portal to Stormwind in the Sanctum, after all, and it gets some use sometimes--but it's still got a resounding loss that can't leave. Or it just won't.

Either way, it's invasive and he doesn't like it.

The worst part is the stillness of his apartment.

Mathias Shaw was a bit of a fling and he knew it. Shaw had made it clear it wouldn't last, because for him these things never do. Too dangerous, apparently; or, more likely, just not worth the time. But it went on for over a year and Flynn had been hopeful that Shaw changed his mind. It's not every fling that looks at Flynn like Shaw had--like he was worth more than a night, more than his looks.

He should've known better. He was never allowed to even use Shaw's first name. Impersonal, distant, unavailable.

It wasn't like Shaw made a lot of noise. Quiet by trade and by nature, half the time Flynn was never sure where the man was until he turned around and found him at the table or something. It gives him more of a start these days to turn and find air instead of a small smirk hidden in the dark.

But he was there, and that's what mattered. And now he's not, and it hurts.

It hurts way more than he expected it would.

...

Taelia, of course, noticed early on.

They grew up together, more or less, and even though he spent a lot of time on the sea, she's always been the one he knew would be waiting. Usually impatiently, but waiting nonetheless. Now that the Alliance has no more use of him, he's home. Drunk, mostly.

"I know you know there's plenty of folks who you can sleep with, Fairwind," Taelia says, entirely without sympathy, three months after they all left. "Some spy ten years older than you isn't worth this."

He glares at her miserably. "He wasn't... just anyone, Tae." He drops his head onto the table, pointedly ignoring the other patrons in the tavern that cast wary glances his way. "I just..." He trails off, words gone. There are no words that can sum up what Shaw means to him.

"By the tides, you weren't in love with him, were you?" she demands, looking disturbed.

"Maybe I was," Flynn says, having long since come to this conclusion. He wanted to ask if he could follow Shaw to Stormwind, maybe, but then he was gone before he could work up the courage to do so. He should've said something, and maybe this wouldn't be happening.

"Flynn," Taelia says, sounding hopeless.

"Taelia," Flynn parrots. He taps the table a few times, looking around without lifting his head. Nothing comes into focus.

"Flynn, you need to get over him," she says, reaching out to stop his hand. He lifts his head to stare at her. "Obviously it wasn't the same to him, so there's no use pining."

_But you weren't there_ , he wants to say. _You didn't see him, didn't know him like I do_.

She never got to hold him at night, never got to see him first thing in the morning, never got to see all the little moments when his guard was even slightly lowered. Not like Flynn did.

Perhaps she sees the sentiment on his face, because her expression softens. "You always go for the unattainable ones," she says fondly. "Let's get out of here, yeah? We can go to Stormsong Valley for a weekend or so and get drunk with the Tidesages; they probably have loads of cool stories. I know the Tortollans do for sure."

The very thought is ludicrous. It makes him smile for a second and that's clearly what she wanted.

"Get your mind off him, yeah?"

It's not that easy, he's sure, but worth a shot.

...

Cyrus lets them go, and for two days, Flynn only thinks of Shaw as he's falling asleep. And waking up. And whenever he sees an Alliance base.

So it doesn't work at all, long story short, but he lets Taelia believe it does so she'll get off his back.

He doesn't want to forget, that's the thing. Being with Shaw was fun and exciting. Being from the Eastern Kingdoms meant a lot of different customs and beliefs, so everything Flynn showed him garnered a reaction he didn't necessarily see coming. As time went on, that happened less and less, but it was a special thing, showing Shaw new pieces of the world. Shaw would do the same for him, and there was always a fondness in his smile and his eyes as Flynn would splutter his way through Shaw's nonsense.

And here's the thing: he knew Shaw had been happy. He knew it for certain because people kept telling him so, especially rogue champions who had worked with Shaw before. _He's fond of you_ , they'd say, _I've never seen him smile so often._

He doesn't understand why he left without a word.

...

Flynn wakes up one morning and just thinks, _fuck this_ , and packs a bag.

He doesn't say anything to Taelia but lets Cyrus see him leaving through the portal to Stormwind. 

Traveling by portal is weird and uncomfortable and if he never does it again it'll be too soon. Luckily a ship goes back to Boralus fairly often from Stormwind harbor so when he goes home it'll be by sea. He steps out into a room full of portals maintained by mages who also have brooms that work by themselves.

What the hell.

It's clearly a hub of activity, so no one pays him any mind. He doesn't immediately see a way out, but then he sees a bunch of champions walking through what looks like a shimmery hole in the wall, and he sighs inwardly. He takes a second to work up the courage to walk through it, but it's not anything at all. It doesn't feel like a portal, just a threshold, but it still is surreal to walk into a really small room with a ramp.

The tower is stupid tall and he wishes he'd brought a griffin, especially when he sees that champions just walk out of the tower, summon one of their flashy mounts, and direct them right over the side.

Annoying.

Even more annoying is that he gets lost quickly. Very quickly.

Shaw had told him Stormwind was a big city. He'd said it often, and had once said that Boralus was tiny in comparison. Flynn didn't know what to do with that information, and so kind of forgot about it, but now he sees what Shaw meant. There's so many shops and roads and it takes him forever to find his way out of this... garden like area and into the central part of the city. He can remember a lot of people mentioning the Stormwind canals--in fact it's one of the first things most people mention. They're more involved than he expected. He wonders how people keep track of anything here. And to think, they say Stormwind is more organized than Orgrimmar. Unbelievable.

"Did you need help, sir?"

He jumps and finds a guard behind him. She waves her hand briefly. "Kul Tirans often get lost at first; Stormwind isn't anything like Boralus. I can direct you to an inn for the night, or to the bank or auction house. Whatever you need." 

Nice to know he's that obvious.

But whatever. An inn sounds nice, since they'll likely have alcohol and _by the tides_ does he need some, but it's still early and he'd like to see Shaw before sundown, if possible.

"Where can I find Mathias Shaw?" he asks carefully, watching her.

Surprise flits across her face. Obviously not a common request. Then her eyes narrow. "Why?" she asks.

"He and I were friends in Boralus," he answers. "Just wanted to know where he lives."

She doesn't look like she believes him, but says, "I can't say where he lives; that's classified information most people never get to know. I'm certainly not ranked high enough for it. I can direct you to SI:7, though. It's in Old Town, across the city. Just cross this bridge here, go left, then around the trade district, and there will be another bridge that'll take you to the entrance of Old Town. SI:7 is in the back right corner. Can't miss it; it's heavily guarded with gates and everything. Be prepared to argue your way in."

Lovely.

"Thanks," he says, and she nods, so he turns and crosses the bridge.

It takes a while.

Boralus is closely packed and there's not much to it, not anything like Stormwind. He gets distracted by the height of the Cathedral that Shaw used to mention, and stares for a second. It has bells that mark the hour, and they break him from his trance. He can see the Keep from here, even though he knows it's farther away from where Shaw is.

There's a lot of noise here, far more than there was on Boralus's busiest days. Even that dies away as he finds the signs directing him to Old Town, however. The ringing silence is even more terrifying among the red rooftops here than in Boralus, because he's so close to Shaw and he has no idea the reception he'll get. His heart is racing.

Everywhere else the guards are more lax. There are a lot of people milling about, all of them armed to the teeth, but there's hardly anyone here and the guards stand sharply to compensate.

He finds the gates the guard told him about. When he gets close the guards stare him down. He's not one to fidget in times of anxiety, but these people make him want to. It's no wonder Shaw's so uptight if these are people he surrounds himself with.

"I'm here to see Mathias Shaw," he says.

"No," the guard on the left says sharply. "You're not. Be on your way."

Guess the guard hadn't been kidding. He really will have to argue his way in.

"My name is Flynn Fairwind. I'm a captain in the Kul Tiran navy. I'm here to see Shaw," he repeats, standing tall and willing his nerves to abate. It doesn't work, but at least he makes an effort.

"Don't care. Shaw's not available for visitors. If you have information for the Alliance, you can take it to his second-in-command, Renzik. He's in that building, there," the guard says, using his spear to point to a building just beyond the gate. "You will be escorted there."

"I'm not here for Renzik; just Shaw."

"Then definitely no. How many times must we say it?" the guard on the right snaps. "No one sees Shaw without proper clearance."

This is ridiculous. Surely this isn't common practice?

He opens his mouth to argue further, unsure of what to even say next, when Shaw himself rounds the corner. Their eyes meet, and Shaw's steps falter. He's clearly surprised to see Flynn, and it's no wonder; they didn't exactly leave on a good note.

"Shaw!" Flynn says, and waves to the guards. "Tell them I'm not about to assassinate you, or whatever, won't you? I just want to talk."

Both guards turn to look, and Shaw sighs. A familiar exasperated expression crosses his face. "Yes, fine. With me, Fairwind."

Flynn's heart leaps, and he bows theatrically to the guards, who look especially annoyed. Flynn hurries to follow Shaw, who started walking without waiting. "Shaw--"

"Not here," Shaw says quietly, firmly.

So Flynn closes his mouth and keeps walking. He's a step behind the Spymaster; something tells him that walking next to Shaw would be a bad idea. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth, to have the instinct to just bow to Shaw's whims--he's never done that, not once. But here, in the heart of Stormwind's command center... well. Shaw has a different aura here.

Shaw walks into the building the guards had pointed to. Someone walks right up and hands Shaw a piece of rolled parchment, which he takes without a word. Shaw and Flynn keep walking and the agent doesn't even seem surprised. When Flynn looks behind them to the agent, the elf has gone back to a desk in the corner of the room, picking up a quill.

Shaw opens the missive and looks it over briefly. There's no indication of what it says, if it's good or bad.

They travel up a set of stairs and turn to the left. Shaw opens an office door. "Take care of this, Renzik, won't you? I've got something to take care of. This missive here is urgent, must be done quickly. Put everything else aside."

"Sure," someone says. Shaw leaves the missive on a chair and shuts the door.

"Here, Fairwind," Shaw mutters, and opens another door down the hallway.

"I didn't interrupt, did I?" Flynn says, stepping into the room.

"You always interrupt," Shaw says, but it's not unkind.

The room is just a desk, two chairs, a bookshelf, and several filing cabinets. All of them are locked, which isn't surprising. There's nothing personal at all, which is also unsurprising.

Shaw takes the chair behind the desk, so Flynn awkwardly sits in the chair across from him. The air has never been awkward between them, and it makes him despair.

"What is it, Flynn?"

Finally. Some of the awkwardness dissipates.

"Well, you left a bit abruptly, mate," Flynn says. "What was up with that?"

Shaw stares at him. "That was months ago. Why not address this then?"

"To be honest, mate, I'm still not even sure I should. It clearly didn't matter to you, but I need closure, or whatever, so I just took the portal--"

"You'll be fine," Shaw interrupts. There's a strange look on his face that makes Flynn pause.

"...and will you?" Flynn checks. "Are you?"

"Of course," is the answer, but Flynn knows Shaw better than that. Shaw's the best spy in the Alliance, the best liar Flynn has ever seen, but he's never been able to lie to Flynn for some reason. Flynn suspects Shaw knows why, but he's never said, so it remains a mystery. He'd started to think it was trust, maybe love, then Shaw left and Flynn's not entirely sure anymore.

Flynn leans back and takes a moment to look him over. With the war over, there's not much that should have Shaw in such a state. He knows Shaw's looking for Windrunner, but there's countless agents out there that clearly haven't found her so the reports can't be that frequent or troublesome. He's clearly exhausted, though, with dark circles under his eyes and an unnatural tension in his posture, like he's trying too hard to stay awake.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" Flynn asks softly. "All I got was this."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out the slip of paper he'd found on his table. He leaves it on the desk, and Shaw stares at it like he's never seen it before. Slowly, Shaw looks up and meets his eyes.

Flynn knows Shaw wants to conjure some story about how the ship was leaving and he couldn't stay, or how he was accidently too far away and it was too late. But it's a lie and they both know it, and Shaw knows full well that Flynn knows him, knows those tricks.

_Something about you, Flynn Fairwind... I've never met someone like you_.

So he waits, and eventually Shaw just sighs. "I'm not good at this, you know," he says.

"I guessed," Flynn says plainly. Shaw glares for a second, but the exhaustion comes back and he looks away.

"I knew you'd be okay," Shaw mutters. "You're more resilient than people give you credit for."

"So it hurt you to leave like that, but you did it anyway because you thought I'd be better off?" Flynn demands. Shaw shrugs, still not looking up. "You're out of your mind, mate," Flynn tells him.

"What?" Shaw snaps, eyes wide as they search for Flynn's.

"You heard me. You're out of your mind if you think for even a second that I'm better off without you."

Shaw doesn't seem to know what to do with that. He keeps opening his mouth to speak but never does; still, he looks angry at the accusation. Flynn doesn't care.

"I think you fancied yourself a world where you're just as disposable as you believe you are, and when it started becoming clear that I _don't_ believe you're disposable, you set out to prove me wrong. It scared you, so you just walked away and told yourself that since you're disposable, I'd shrug it off and find my way again. As if I can just do away with over a year's worth of commitment to you."

Flynn leans forward and says, "It took me a long time to get the courage to find you again. Tae tried to stop me. I'm glad I didn't listen, because clearly, I'm not the only one who's hurting." He reaches out and runs the back of his fingers across Shaw's face, rejoicing when Shaw leans into the touch, eyes closing. "You don't have to say goodbye just because the war's done, love.

"You don't have to say goodbye at all. You're no good at goodbyes, so don't."

Shaw grabs Flynn's wrist and just holds on. "Are you sure?" Shaw asks quietly, opening his eyes. "I'm not exactly easy to deal with."

"I know that," Flynn says dismissively. "What, you think I've slept through this whole thing? I don't mind, Shaw; you mean a lot to me."

"Mathias," he says. "My name's Mathias; you might as well use it, if we're doing this."

Flynn stands and walks around the desk, pulling Mathias to his feet. "Mathias, then," he murmurs, and leans down to kiss him.

Mathias wraps his arms around Flynn's neck to bring him closer. He seems just as desperate as Flynn is, kissing back feverishly. It's exhilarating.

Nevertheless, it's Mathias that pulls away first. Flynn takes a bit of pride in the fact that his breath is fast and his eyes are dark. "I'm at work," Mathias says quietly. "Light only knows what trouble we could get into. Go wait for me at the Pig and Whistle tavern, why don't you? Ask the guards for directions."

Flynn just laughs and kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> These two have _taken over my life_.
> 
> ...
> 
> also. this isn't necessarily something to be proud of, but I wrote the entirety of Stormwind's scenery from memory. just thought it was worth noting how often I'm in SW.


End file.
